You Don't Have to Have It All Figured Out

There is a certain kind of pressure that comes with getting older.

At some point, people start asking questions that sound innocent enough:

What are you doing next?

Where do you see yourself?

What kind of career do you want?

Where do you want to live?

And eventually, the questions stop feeling like questions and start feeling like tests.

As if there is a correct answer you're supposed to have by a certain age.

We're told to dream big, but somehow we're also expected to have a detailed plan for how we're going to get there.

And what happens when you don't?

You start wondering if you're doing something wrong.

We mistake uncertainty for failure.

I think one of the hardest things about figuring out your life is that uncertainty can feel like failure.

If you don't know exactly what you want to do, you might feel behind.

If you change your mind, you might feel like you're wasting time.

If your friends seem more confident than you, you might assume they know something you don't.

But not knowing isn't the same thing as failing.

Sometimes uncertainty is simply what growth feels like.

You can't always know what the next version of your life is going to look like before you get there.

And honestly, I don't think we're supposed to.

We put so much pressure on the next chapter.

We're constantly thinking about what's next.

The next job.

The next apartment.

The next relationship.

The next milestone.

The next version of ourselves.

And while having goals is a good thing, constantly living in the future can make your current life feel like something you need to get through.

You start thinking:

I'll be happier when I figure out my career.

I'll feel better when I move.

I'll feel successful when I make more money.

I'll finally feel like I have my life together when...

But what if there is always a “when”?

There will always be another goal.

Another milestone.

Another thing you could improve.

If we make happiness dependent on finally having everything figured out, we're going to spend a lot of our lives waiting.

Your path doesn't have to make sense immediately.

Some of the best decisions I've made—or watched other people make—probably wouldn't have made sense on paper.

People change careers.

Move somewhere completely new.

Go back to school.

End relationships.

Start businesses.

Take opportunities they never expected.

Change their minds.

That's life.

We act like our path should look like a straight line, but most people's lives are full of detours.

And a detour isn't necessarily a mistake.

Sometimes it is how you find the road you're actually meant to be on.

You are allowed to outgrow your own plans.

Maybe you once thought you knew exactly what you wanted.

And now you don't.

That's okay.

You don't owe your future self to the person you were five years ago.

You are allowed to want something different.

You are allowed to realize that the dream you had isn't actually your dream anymore.

You are allowed to change your mind without considering your past self a failure.

Growth means becoming someone who knows more about themselves than they did before.

Of course your plans might change.

You're changing too.

Maybe “figuring it out” isn't the goal.

Maybe the goal is learning how to be okay while you're figuring it out.

To make the best decision you can with the information you have.

To take the opportunity that feels right.

To change direction when it doesn't.

To let yourself explore without demanding that every choice become a five-year plan.

You don't need to know exactly where you're going to take the next step.

You just need to take the next step.

And maybe that's enough.

Because your life is not late.

It is not ruined because it looks different than you expected.

You are not behind because someone else seems more certain.

You are not failing because you're still figuring it out.

You're allowed to be somewhere in between.

Somewhere unfinished.

Somewhere uncertain.

Somewhere becoming.

And maybe that's not a problem to solve.

Maybe that's just life.